The Walk
It's been 478 days since I last saw Steve
I was recently in Phoenix for in-person quarterly Flow Sessions. While I was there, I went for a walk with my former coach and lifelong mentor, Steve Hardison.
When I committed to working with The Ultimate Coach, I expected the engagement to be life changing and it was, but not in the ways I anticipated or hoped to experience. Reflecting on our work, I notice that the greatest impact wasn’t the deep, meaningful sessions we had nor the things we created.
What makes my time with Steve life altering are the in-between-moments we shared. The movies we saw after my session before I returned to my enclave at the Andaz in Scottsdale. The times in his Porsche, talking story. Spending a couple of hours by his gravesite and his tombstone. Seeing the Rolling Stones together.
It was during these moments in his presence, I learned so much just by being together with Steve. I witnessed how he was with people he met, and how he loved them and played with them. I was amazed by how he invited them into his world.
My favourite time with Steve is the day we went to his Temple. I happened to be in town when the Temple was open to the public. I asked Steve so many questions about his faith, about the purpose of the Temple, and how his personal way of being seemed to clash with the tight knit rules of his faith. I mused with him about what other church members thought of him, and how his version of faith was able to co-exist with Amy’s more orthodox ways of worship.
He was loving in all his replies. He was honest about where he was in his faith and how his faith caused him to learn how to be loving no matter what. I was curious about that. Like any organization, people like to follow rules and Steve’s church seemed to be no different, in fact it seems this church thrived on abiding by the rules. Steve told me how he used his document to listen and hear what others were saying and to be open to learning all he could from them. Steve seemed to be telling me that his faith didn’t add anything to his life, it sanded the rough edges of his being which transformed him into the loving presence I knew
During our walk the other day I got to see who Steve was becoming since his retirement. It seemed to be a continuation of how his life was shifting during our last 10 sessions together. It’s funny because my last sessions with Steve were unlike any sessions I had with him before. I think it was a factor of who I had become and who Steve was being.
My time with Steve on our walk was magical. It was as if I met with an old wise friend who was radiating with calm, clean and loving energy. We spoke of what it really means to love our wives. To really be attentive to them and to not only say we love them but to honor them and be an active participant in their sovereignty. We spoke of his grown up kids and their kids and I shared about Koan and Kona, and how we were at a stage in our lives to be fully present to them and every little thing they were experiencing. He was curious about Koan and his love of basketball and Kona and her love of dance. I thanked him for meeting with Koan when he was five and for guiding me to love the shyness out of Kona, for she is radiant now.
The walk was filled with promise and possibility. Yet it was devoid of urgency. There was a palpable energy of creation through our words. What struck me most is that my time with this man completely altered the trajectory of my business, my relationships and most of all my relationship with myself.
Our walk ended with us stopping to meet his next door neighbour. She was grieving and in pain. Steve reached over and hugged her. She looked up and saw me and love poured from my eyes for this woman. We spent blessed moments with her.
Sometimes the greatest gifts we can receive in our lives are the ones we give without a thought.
A special thank you to my wonder-twin Karen Pery who always power infuses my words with “more Gary”. Thank you also to Tom Lambotte for your email about my last post “The Assumption”. I appreciate you.