The In-Between Phase

Five Days in the Wasteland

Yesterday I spoke with my good friend Matt Clemmer. It was a deep, loving time of togetherness. He had reached out because he was curious about something I said in one of my previous writings. It was about a disagreement with my wife, and how it took me almost a week to digest my anger, hurt, and stunning realizations.

I call it the in-between phase.

Not the beginning. Not the breakthrough. The space after something causes a breakdown within us, that disorients us. It is the land of uncertainty before you know what comes next. It’s not a pleasant place.

I live in the world of created reality. Not perfect reality but a consciously created one. Most times I like the reality I create. Sometimes the reality I create feels a lot like the messy reality I created when I didn’t know better. It is a disheveled, hurtful wasteland rife with self-judgment and doubt. If you are like me you don’t love this place. If you are like me you want to get out of it as quickly as possible.

The in-between phase feels like hell. It is a DMZ between the newness we have become and the pull of our old wounds, hurts, and trauma. The in-between phase is like a military conflict between the two sides of ourselves. We often use meditation, breathing practices, and mantras to stop us from feeling what we are feeling. They think something is broken. They think they’ve lost something. They try to get back to equilibrium.

There is a cost to all this. That cost is slapping a happy sticker on a dying heart.

Matt shared his world with me yesterday. What I love about Matt is that he doesn’t sugar coat any of it. I have only met one person as love-filled as Matt, and that is Steve Hardison. When someone loves that hard there is always some kind of cost. It often means there is a lot of time spent in an in-between-phase.

We spoke about the in-between phase. We could feel it. When the old way of being wasn’t working anymore. The new way hadn’t fully emerged yet. How we urgently want to fix it. Move through it faster. Get back to clarity.

But that’s not how it works.

During the in-between phase, we’re becoming fully open to what we used to be. And only then will it unhook us. Most people try to fix ourselves before allowing for the dissolution of what lies underneath it all. It is not something we have control over.

Oftentimes we force forgiveness when we are really angry. We don’t sit with the feeling and let it give itself a voice. The in-between phase is not a problem to solve. It is a place that allows what no longer fits to be held and heard.

Matt asked questions about the five days I took to allow the whole ungodly mess to unfold.

I shared with him that during that time I didn’t talk to Steve, or an AI, or a friend. I didn’t seek counsel or try to square it away with my wife. It was an inside job. A conversation I had with myself. Instead of fighting myself, I let myself go.

The gap gave rise to freedom.

It wasn’t because I figured anything out. It was because I stopped trying to. I let the anger be angry. I let the hurt be hurt. I let the old melody play itself out one more time without conducting it. I didn’t feel bad about it. It felt oddly familiar. It was like when I listened to all my non-powerful listening during the formation of my I AM statement with Steve.

The in-between phase is not comfortable. It is not clean. It oftentimes does not resolve quickly. It is a walk through the valley of the shadow of death kind of vibe at times.

But it is where the real work happens.

Not in the breakthrough. Not in the moment you decide to change. It lives within the messy, uncertain, quiet space after you’ve decided but before you’ve arrived.

That’s where you become unavailable for what you used to be. This is where the space to step into who you create yourself to be emerges.

That’s where you choose what you choose. Choose what you chose. (even if it is five days in the Wasteland)

I did that.

And then it was done.

And I’ll be back here again…

Your shit is your gold.

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A message from Matt to you. (and me, and especially to Matt himself)

“I stayed with it long enough, until it unhinged itself from me. “

Receiving, realizing, and remembering with my dear friend Gary Mahler .

It’s been said that : “it’s the space between the notes that make the music “…!

I thank God I’ve been created so full of Love. My whole life, the love within me is ever increasing, always present, and ever expanding!
I’ve always been really quick to forgive.
As a child I was trained/almost forced too. There’s absolutely nothing I haven’t been able to forgive , or so I thought.

But in the spaces between there are deeper levels of understanding/ experiencing love and forgiveness.

Especially self forgiveness!

I realized I maybe hadn’t ever really truly given myself permission to just feel it all, to simply allow all hurt, sadness, anger, etc to flow freely without any judgement, without trying to fix, mend, or change anything, but rather to just be. These were emotions that I thought shouldn’t be entertained .
I now see that these are the parts of us that need to be loved the most!!!
I’m now realizing, to overcome is to have the courage, to just be , in and, with it all!
In love….

When folks look at a gravestone and see the dates : birth- death, everyone says how the life is in the space between/the dash .

Gary has talked about “ not stepping over the Gold”.
About slowing down, to notice, as to not step over the gold here in this…

I’ve been so guilty at times , when things get messy, when the shit hits the fan, I’d immediately wanna fix it, and clean it up! asap!
I would then go and look for the gold! If I couldn’t find any, I’d create it!

Come to find out , all the Gold was in the shit all along!
It’s hidden within the spaces , in the dark messy parts we’re not proud of.
The parts of us we judge and call bad.
it waits to simply be seen and heard…!
It’s in the space between the mess and the resolution.

I’m learning

This is the path to “know thyself”…

This is how to really Love yourself

By actually bringing care to your dark places , with an empty, open ,curious compassion.

I’m reminded, Love isn’t either “or”, but rather the abundance of “and”..

That Love holds all things together

I unknowingly was bypassing and avoiding the real work. I thought the work was doing something, and now I see it’s more about just being…

“Be still and know”

Gary shared with me so eloquently , and so honestly what it looks like for him, -facing it, just being with it, and allowing it to run its course, that, eventually it unhooks itself from you.

You are not alone in the space even tho it’s you with you! Love not only holds the space , love is the space…

Ancient scripture says: “The light shines in the dark, although the dark sees it not, the light still shines! “

You are the Light, also the dark.
Let us allow the light to shed upon every dark place, letting it speak, cry out, feel, express, explode, - whatever!

I love how Gary gives himself the space to process, and then, how he just knew when enough was enough.

He didn’t try to fix

Maybe nothing is broken

Even when it feels like a shattered heart

Be still and know

- from the space in between ,

I’ll see you somewhere cool!

Love , Matt
April 10th, 2026