The Assumption
Have you ever unwittingly acted in a way unbecoming of who you think you are?
I was walking home from the gym when I realized I’d gotten ahead of someone. It didn’t come to me within a conversation I was having in my own head. It came to me in the form of buzzing on my phone and a voice note. Someone I care about deeply shared how I had been coming across to them, and it was not something I wanted to hear. I was mortified, actually. I had been building something they never asked me to build. Making plans they hadn’t agreed to. Moving as if the next step was already decided. It wasn’t.
The thing about assumption is that it feels like momentum. It feels like clarity. It feels like you’re being proactive, strategic, helpful even. But underneath it, you’re deciding for someone else. And when they notice it, they have every right to stop you.
When I am not careful, I do it in my business and I do it with my wife. I am lucky that when I do, my wife lets me know what I am up to.
I am lucky that this important someone let me know as well. They didn’t do it with anger. They didn’t apologize for it. They just named it cleanly: “I haven’t consented to this.” And they were right.
The moment I heard it, I felt it. Not defensiveness. Disappointment. Not in them. In myself. I had acted in a way I don’t want to be.
This is the hardest cut of all for me. I acted in a way that I don’t want to be.
I stopped. I breathed. Then I responded in a voice memo. I apologized. I owned it. I cleared the room. No justifying. No explaining. No repair language. Just: You’re right. I got ahead of you. That wasn’t clean.
One of the lines in my personal document says: I am free from fault or blame, guilt, or shame. I am impeccable in all I do and who I am being. I am expansion. I am openhearted in communion and communication.
Being openhearted doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being willing to receive truth without contracting. To own what’s yours. To correct it. To stay steady.
That’s the work. Not just for clients. For me too.
Epilogue:
Once the voice note was sent, freedom occurred. Not ten minutes later, not five. Immediate release.
I cleared my side. I owned what was mine. I said what needed to be said.
And then I allowed. I allowed the message to be received.
This is the true essence of sovereignty.
Thank you! This is such a great example of your awareness and clarity of who you want to BE. It reminded me of a story I often think of when I find myself in that situation.
Back in 1988 I worked for the Jewish community center in the Athletic Department. I had gone over to the Tennis club to get a bagel with cream cheese.
Susie, who ran the Tennis Club, was panicking because she had so much to do. I had a lot to do in my department too, but I jumped in and helped her organize all these things for the up coming tennis tournament.
After spending an hour there… And feeling I have so much to do in my department… I said “Susie, I have got to go”. She remarked “I can’t believe you spent so much time helping me”…
And I so quickly replied….
“ I LOVE solving someone else’s problems!“
We both laughed. But as I walked back to my department, it really hit me how often I get into someone else’s business or life and try to change things for them when no one ever solicited my opinion or my help. And, I avoid the things in my life that need tending to.
Your story for me reminds me of how that satisfaction of helping can really interfere in creating healthy relationships. I am also fortunate to have a husband does not hesitate to point out when I overstep my bounds.
Thank you, Gary! I appreciate your clarity.