Stop seeking bliss: live it
498 days ago is a long time - a lifetime is even shorter
Last week I revisited session two with Steve. This week I am fast forwarding to the completion of my time with him.
I worked with The Ultimate Coach for a decade. My journey commenced with a “BE with session” on October 15th, 2015. I didn’t know it at the time, but I hired Steve so I could live life fully in the fullness of whatever life brought me. Little did I know that the end result of our work would be me finding a way to inhabit my life in an unconditional, powerful way. I don’t have a perfect life. I am not perfection. I am not happy all of the time and I am human. I love that about me. I love that about you.
I remember sitting on Steve’s swing chair under his deck 498 days ago. I had just completed my final session with him, and we were reminiscing about our journey together. Perhaps the greatest impact my work with Steve has been that I can resist the temptation to fix myself, soothe myself and meditate myself into happiness.
“No matter what happens inside of me or outside of me, I remain unmoved and worry free. Nothing moves or shakes me: Even when I am shaken and stirred, I always know what to say and what not to say. I always know what to do and how to do it. I AM filled with joy, and I delight in ALL of life. I am playful and patient with all of life: It ain’t nothing until I call it.”
Sometimes life becomes hard in ways we can’t fathom. One of the things I am clear about in my work is that life isn’t always going to be the way we like, and sometimes we will entertain feelings we are not comfortable with. Everything falls apart at once. The ground seems to give way, and your once solid feet seem to be washed away. The calmness and positivity we create evaporates with a whisper.
In the current moment, my heart is at peace. It is calm on a level I have not known, even during my decade with Steve. Our work involved examining and deeply feeling into every judgment I had ever made about myself. The six months we spent creating my document were some of the most intense of my life. I remember going through all the negative thoughts I had about myself and gradually forgiving myself for being so hard on myself.
“I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy, unlovable, and untrustworthy” turned into I AM Goodness. I AM free from fault or blame: guilt or shame. I am impeccable in all I do and who I am being. I am expansion. I am open-hearted communion and communication.”
These words don’t save me from heartbreak. They don’t protect me from loss or disappointment or when my mind races with scenarios that shoot nervous chemicals through my body. Life breaks me open and I accept what life gives me. I don’t resist life anymore. Unless I do. (and I suffer when I do) I don’t meditate my suffering away or try to fix it.
I live it. All of it. The full catastrophe of life.
My decade with Steve didn’t give me a way out. It gave me a way in.
There is no silver bullet. Live into all of life. It doesn’t last long. before you know it you will be a faint memory.
Next week I will share how I got here. It was not one of my finest moments.