REVISIT SFH Session: 02 - Freedom
June 19th, 2018
Prologue: I recently had a request to share the post from my first session with Steve. You can find it here. It deals with the foundation of creating myself anew, free from my old wounds, judgments, and data that had been running every decision in my life.
This week I wanted to revisit the deep journey I took on June 19, 2018, into the depths of the lies I had been subjecting myself to. This isn’t self-help. It’s definitely not spiritual bypass. This was a journey into the memory bank of my life. It was a walk with my mentor into the cavernous echo chamber of self-doubt, dislike, and even self-hatred that consumed me, even though I could not register it. It was some of the most taxing work I have ever done. So much so, I went back to my home at the Andaz and swiftly fell asleep. For 12 hours.
Notes from my two-hour session with Steve June 19th, 2018
The three weeks between sessions one and two were some of the most intense weeks of my life. I dug deep into my work. I set aside hours upon hours each day to re-live my most horrid experiences and feel the sensations of each of them fully. To bathe in them. I did not do anything to soothe myself, such as meditation or reading. I was with everything as it appeared.
The hallmark of this session was release and relief from sitting for three weeks within ALL of the Judgments I had been heaping upon myself all of my life. Session two offered me reprieve from the depths of discomfort of being with all of my non-powerful listenings daily for hours at a time. The act of actually re-living hard, difficult situations that spanned my lifetime was energy-draining and emotionally taxing. The act of seeing my self-judgments was fatiguing.
I came to Session 2 exhausted and hopeful.
This session allowed me to actually come from a place of compassion and self-forgiveness for all the time I had felt horrible about myself for allowing these things to happen to me. For feeling less than. For feeling rejected. For feeling wrong.
The act of being—being with every non-powerful listening that has ever entered my awareness and has been held on to, but that has not been fully acknowledged or processed, Allowed for a space for these traumas to be aired, looked at, and fully experienced.
During Session 2, Steve offered me this:
“Being forgiven for any and all judgment I have heaped upon me offers me healing. Judgment is heavy, like a debt. Forgiveness pays that debt.”
These words have reverberated in my heart ever since. They offered me balm, succour, and peace, and I finally found restfulness for my weary heart. I brought my current loving self to all of the old wounds, hurts, and traumas in my lifetime, and I allowed them to bleed. I allowed them to bleed out of me. It is like the old life force was allowed to leave me.
Session two was the time for me to form the genesis of my document. We went through every non-powerful listening I had jotted down and had re-lived over the space of three + weeks, and we began the work, me forgiving myself for judging myself as. What we did within the space of this session was to look at each and every one of my judgments that came from non-powerful listening and to allow Source to give me a new possibility!
For context, here are some of the less powerful listenings we looked at:
I never really get what I want because I can’t do it. I am not worthy.
I am sad and depressed so much of the time.
I am stressed out, lethargic, and lacking in energy.
I am rejected, and I am not worth caring about.
I am small.
I am fragile.
I am weak.
During the session, we allowed for the peace of forgiveness of judging myself regarding these non-powerful listenings to be released. By the grace of something greater than me, some wisdom from the ages entered the room and created a space of stillness, which allowed for a new realization for me to BE | come alive in.
Here are some examples:
I forgive myself for judging myself for believing that I can’t do it. ” For the truth is, I am connected to all power.
I forgive myself for judging myself as being depressed a lot of the time. The truth is, I am joyful and hopeful.
I forgive myself for judging myself as being stressed, lethargic, and lazy. The truth is energetic and worry-free.
I forgive myself for judging myself as being rejected, especially and really only by myself. The truth is, I AM FREE.
This session allowed for
S P A C E to B E and
C R E A T E all of my life anew
I found a new directive in that session. It goes something like this.
Where I am coming from is everything. Where I am going is the booby prize.
My document is not some magic formula or prayer. It is not an affirmation or some wishful thinking. I don’t hold it with any particular affection. I don’t place any great importance on it for me. Yet it is sacred. It is not some words on paper or some incantation to God. It is an experienced act of being grace to my one and only mortal soul.
When I speak my document, I open up to a part of me that has a pure connection with the all-powerful. I don’t believe or repeat the lies I used to believe to be true. My speaking creates my world.
Who am I now?
I AM infinite stillness born of ease and flow. I am pure connection to the All Powerful; together we create what we want, and I always get what I desire. I am generous and warmhearted. I AM forgiveness and understanding. Especially for myself. I AM selfless and power-filled in ALL I do—I AM That I AM unleashed.
Goodness:
I AM free from fault or blame, guilt, or shame. I am impeccable in all I do and who I am being. I am expansion. I am openhearted in communion and communication.
Freedom:
I AM Free! I am free to BE love and loving no matter what. I AM free to be GARY energy and essence that sees the unseeable, shares the unknowable, and is able to BE with things that seem impossible to BE with. I take empowered action, and I am fearless, bold, and courageous. No matter what happens inside of me or outside of me, I remain unmoved and worry-free. Nothing moves or shakes me: Even when I am shaken and stirred, I always know what to say and what not to say. I always know what to do and how to do it. I AM filled with joy, and I delight in ALL of life. I am playful and patient with all of life: It ain’t nothing until I call it.
Energetic and Dynamic:
I am laser-like in my focus. I am sharp-minded. I am peaceful yet impactful as the velvet bullet. I am a Grand Master of BEING with the peace of mind and freedom of heart to cut through all lies of lack and limitation, suffering and separation. I gladly embrace all of life, and I choose creation from surrender, acceptance, & allowance to ALL things.
I am a magnet.
I am DAZZLING, SMOOTH, and CHARMING. I am immense and irresistible, and I live a life of integrity; I am forever at play, and I live in the mystery. I create from the unknown.
I love Kinchan, Koan, and Kona with all my might. I lay my life down for them. And when I forget this, I come back to loving Kinchan, Koan, and Kona with all my might. I lay my life down for them. I AM the best man, husband, father, and mentor for the world. I am eternal. I am forever back home, and my mere presence helps everyone I meet to come back home to themselves as if for the very first time. I am madly and deeply devoted to you and in love with you.
Over the course of the next 10 months we began creating miracles with my new document. Steve was my guide and the divine created possibility within me that resulted in powerful action by me.
As I reflect back on that fateful year, I made it my life’s work to enliven each session in my day to day existence. Nothing was untouched by my work with Steve. I brought the work into my day to day existence. I lived and breathed my work with Steve.
I still do.
A lot of people spend years trying to outrun the parts of themselves they least want to face, so I can understand why this level of self-confrontation left you exhausted.