It Is Not What Happens

Are you living life or thinking about how you feel about it?

It is not what happens that creates the mood of your day. It is what you think with and do with what happens that creates the flavour of your day.

Are you living life or thinking about how you feel about it?

Last weekend my son had a Championship tournament. It was the big one. Up to that point they had been undefeated. They dominated game one and game two. Everyone expected them to cruise to victory in game three. Somehow the opposing team in game three came in scrappy and hungry. By half time the score was 6-4 for the opposing team. This is not a basketball score. It is more of a hockey score. Both teams were strong on defence. By the fourth quarter my son’s team was ahead by ten. Things were looking up. Last minute of play they were up by four. The clock read 52 seconds. The ref stops the play and puts the clock back to one minute. Within 40 seconds the opposing team hits a three pointer. Time out. We have the ball, we are going in. Mid-court pass by one of our team — interception and another three pointer by the opponents at the last seconds of play. My son’s team loses a hard fought game 51-49. Heartbreak.

The boys were in shock. The opposing team jubilant.

After the congratulatory handshake and debrief with his coach, I walked slowly with my son through the halls of Saint Michael’s University School. Just the two of us. We came upon something we had missed earlier. This is the school where MVP Steve Nash went to high school. We looked at all of the NBA jerseys he had signed and the old photos of him as a student. I asked Koan, “how many heartbreaking losses do you think Steve Nash had on that exact court?” Koan replied, “probably lots.” We smiled and walked to the car.

I asked him what stung the most. He thought about it for a moment. He said, “I was playing against a boy who was almost 6 foot and I am barely hitting 5’8”. I played my heart out. I was calm, and he fouled out during the fourth quarter. I was finally free of him. I should have used that freedom more powerfully. We might have won.”

I didn’t say much to him the rest of the walk or on the way to the ferry. Koan was pretty quiet on that ride. I could see he was sitting with what he said. Once we were on the ferry his mood changed. He was hungry. (always a good sign) He met a lot of his teammates at the cafeteria and they were immediately cheery, laughing, and having fun. Somehow the opposing team were at tables right next to them. I could see them conversing and fist pumping.

I am amazed at how my son is learning how to process difficult emotions and situations. How he finds a way to work with his situations instead of being held captive by them.

Are you living life or thinking about how you feel about it?