Circling
When you know what to do, and you just don't (do it)
I’m sitting in my coaching studio at 5:22 AM. Soft jazz is playing and I am reflecting.
It’s easy to stifle the movement of gut-level knowing. I call this circling. Circling around a decision that has already been made internally. Circling around a call you know you have to make. Circling around action you know needs to happen externally.
There is no amount of inner work that will help you unless you act on what you know.
I remember when I used to sit in stillness for hours looking for an answer. The longer I sat, the more answers came. Just not the right ones. How do I know that they were not the right ones? I do because I did not act upon them.
Oftentimes we look for diversion and distraction in the form of getting more information, knowledge, or fact-checking instead of allowing ourselves to know what is true.
I have a guideline I use in my creation now:
See what is here now. Check the body. Feel the breath. Hear what wants to emerge.
Use the personal and specific knowledge you already have; personal and career capital guide you.
Check if you have everything you need to move forward. Even if it is one inch.
See where you are circling.
Use what you have to make a move.
What comes next?
Take an action and see what happens.
I remember times when I knew a client engagement was not working for me—or the client, even though they were happy in the situation (or thought they were). I held on to the relationship because I wanted to be a nice guy, and I needed the income. Often it is things as simple as that which had me stop challenging this client and begin hand-holding him.
We did nice work. Things moved steadily.
This was early on in my coaching career. I knew the kind thing to do was to either shake the relationship up or end it. I circled for about three months. I circled until I could not circle anymore.
I stopped and closed my eyes. I breathed into my spine. I released the emotions that were stale. I remembered a conversation I had with my coach at the time, Steve Chandler, about it. He said, “Just tell the truth about the situation.”
The truth was I knew it was time to up-level the engagement financially and to hike up the stakes.
The first step I took was to call this client up. He was happy to pick up the line. I acknowledged how I was not excited by the work we were doing and that I felt a strong desire for him to confront the things he needed to change.
I was surprised at how ignited he became at the possibility of finally meeting those challenges head-on. He said, “I finally feel ready for this...”
We doubled the intensity of the engagement, evidenced by the much larger fee and scope of work, which was kicked off with my first two-day in-person Flow Session together.
It was this moment that my career and business took off.
Imagine if I kept circling.
One small move, created from a new way of being, made something possible that once seemed near impossible. Following my intuition. Speaking from purpose and truth. That changed the trajectory of my business.
Most of us are circling about something right now. Around a decision that’s already been made. Around a call that needs to be made. Around action we know needs to happen.
We think we’re being strategic. We’re actually stuck.
The difference between preparation and circling is simple:
Preparation has a launch date.
Circling doesn’t.
Stop circling.
This post is dedicated to several men I admire for taking a stand for what they know to be true about themselves and their lives.
Sam Zipursky, our latest Flow Sessions at the Conrad Osaka capped our years of work together. You know what to do and how to create a new future not even imagined. Let’s go.
Andy Holloway, your commitment to your wife, children, and clients astounds me. Get ready, world.
Adam Webster, this post was inspired by you and the action you take from freedom. Freedom for your one and only life, and to live from service, passion, and care for your family.
Spence Diamond, the sheer growth in your being since we met has been awe-inspiring. Your ability to assess a situation and commit to it from knowing ensures not only success, but irrevocable change for everyone you come in contact with.
And finally, my wonder-twin Karen Pery, who reads every one of these pieces and challenges me to bring the full essence of my "Gary-ness" to them. Thank you, KB, for who you are in my life.